Daniel & Annabel's Adventures: A Hard Goodbye...We Miss You, Jack!

A couple weeks ago we had to endure a very hard goodbye for our family. Our family made the very hard, but ultimately kinder, decision to put Jack, our beloved sweet black cat, to sleep. April 28th was a very hard day for me, for all of us. Thankfully the kids were in school and were able to say their goodbyes that morning and then remain rather blissfully unaware. This was all hard enough as it was.

Losing Jack was on our horizon; we didn't think it would be long. Jack had been losing weight since winter, we'd tried different foods, taken him to the vet who looked at him and examined him and said "he looks healthy just try more different foods." Right. Real helpful vet we had. Still we kept at it. But then other not so pretty symptoms started to kick in. In fact there was a weekend when Jack was so sick and we thought that was the end, but then he totally turned around and was back to his normal self again.

However, three weeks ago (the weekend of Annabel's family birthday party, actually) Jack got very sick again and we knew this time there would be no turn around. We did give him the week, well- maybe we were giving the week to ourselves since we were really not ready to say goodbye. But that week- ohh, breaks my heart to think about. In the end, Jack stopped bathing (that was the biggest clue- when they stop caring for themselves, you just know it's over), he stopped meowing, he couldn't jump up onto anything not even one step, he could barely walk- it was clearly painful for him, he wasn't sleeping, he was just lethargic and so sad looking. But he was still always around us, he was still following us when he could- he wanted our company and our love and I truly believe that's what kept him going so long.

So we spent that last week petting Jack, loving him up, sitting with him as much as possible, I literally didn't leave my couch for two days just hanging out with Jack. We carried him all around the house with us so he could be with us for all the things he loves- bedtime, couch snuggle time, playtime...we wanted him in all his favorite spots with us and I know Jack wanted it, too.

The decision to put Jack to sleep was both hard and yet easy. Hard because I hate that it didn't happen naturally, it's a really hard moral issue to make that decision. Hard because he was our cat, he was Jack, he was just the best and we loved him SO much. Hard because, well, just hard. And yet, it was easy because watching Jack become so lethargic and not able to do the things he loved on his own- that's just no way to live, it was kinder to just let him go peacefully and full of our love. So with that explanation, the kids filled him with love and agreed yes let's put him to sleep, let's let him go. Although they were under the oh-so-sweet-and-innocent impression we would do that ourselves at nighttime when he went to bed and that it would make him better and he would be okay then- so, we had a little more explaining to do. But I think they got it and they did see the wisdom in it, and they were able to enjoy the week's worth of cat snuggles in the meantime. Nothing much more was said about all this, ever.

We do so miss Jack. I keep "seeing" him and "hearing" him all around the house, especially in the places he would always be. A few of Jack's favorite places- Daniel's room- under the bed or on the bed (always, and in the end, a lot- he was Daniel's cat, he really was, and my cat), under my bed comforter (that lump in our bed was not wrinkled sheets- it was Jack), my library, on top of couches in our family or library, my bedroom corners, on top of my neck if I was sitting on a couch- I called him my kitty-boa, and anywhere there was a blanket to lay on or a square of sunshine to soak up on the floor. These are the places I see him, even now. And I still keep a paper ball, the kind Jack would have loved to bat and chase, in my pocket.

The kids didn't say much past that Friday goodbye. Getting another cat has come up from them- Daniel says we'll name it "fluffball," well hmm we'll see. But right now, I'm feeling sad and lonely and missing Jack, I need time to miss him, and we're adjusting to being cat-less. It's not much fun. Little things have struck me in the days since- like we could put out our rugs again (he was making lots of messes in the end- not fun), litter boxes got put away and feeding him doesn't need to happen, we can close our basement door now, my Mother's Day flowers won't get nibbled, Annabel's balloon ribbons can't float free without cat chewing worries, and just he's not there, he's not running up the stairs past me at bedtime in a hurry to snuggle my feet when I read, he's not with us when we read to the kids, his purring motor isn't in my ear when I'm watching TV. I do so miss him. We all do. Daniel used our foam blocks to make a cat about a week later, "It's Jack" he said and then he laid down next to "Jack," right there in the sunshine where Jack would have LOVED to flop for some belly rubs and attention...broke my heart all over again. It was a fitting final goodbye.

With that, here are Jack's last pictures from the past few months...may they bring us happy memories.